I will tell you the following IF YOU LEAVE ME ALONE and let me do what I need to in order to facilitate a meeting. But you'd better behave or else. Do you know HOW MANY PEOPLE have warned me against you? HOW MANY? Even people of loose to no morals? I mean, we're talking basically everyone. "Stay away from this one, he's filled with danger and could hurt you." "Could"???
"Neurotic compulsion" or no. Do you think I don't know what you've done?
Do you WANT a laundry list of what I know and haven't said squat about?
Do you really?
Okay, from now on, you DON'T GET TO MONOPOLIZE THIS and you NEED TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR OWN DAMN SELF and LEAVE ME ALONE.
- I didn't say anything about the possession until recently.
- I didn't mention the HUGE, heart-stoppingly awful Real Estate deal gone bad. Where you lost tons of money. Bad. Not good. Maybe a blowback?
- I didn't say anything about your impregnation fetish (that I knew about long before that hilarious book came out).
- I didn't say anything about the subsequent miscarriage she had as a result. First four months? (Do you honestly think 16% body fat is going to hold a fetus? Please. You go on and on about the health hazards of obesity, but what about the other end? Wigger, please. Not to mention she knew you gave her bad seed. Mothers know this stuff about the father. Sometimes the children are not born for this reason alone. IT IS NOT TIME and all that.)
- She was a karmic partner. She was not your "love". She was your daughter in a past life. Do you think someone with the personality of cardboard is capable of having emotional intelligence? Especially since she's only lived SIX LIVES??? No. No. This is not a thing. This is not, nor will it ever be a thing. You may go back to her for the sex (ew), but no. None of you/neither of you are a fit. At all. You know this. I know this. Jesus Christ I wish you could keep me out of it entirely, as it's so consumingly depressing and juvenile, but alas, NO. I couldn't escape your energy field if my life depended on it.
You were a trapper/hunter in what is now Switzerland. 980 AD. You lived in the Swiss Alps by a mountain. Snowy most of the year. She is in your chalet or shack or whatever you call it. 9 years old. Strawberry blonde or red hair. In plaits. In a trundle wooden alpine bed. Designs of flowers and vines carved on the sides. Pretty, snug little stone and wood wall room. A candle burning. She is asleep, sitting upright as was the custom of the time.
As she sleeps, an avalanche. She is buried under tons of stone and snow and dirt. Immediately. You are just returning from an all-night hunt, you wear fur pelts as a kind of covering or jacket. You see the avalanche happening. There is nothing you can do to stop it. And she dies. Instantly.
I was her indifferent mother who left the family when she was 8 or 9. About 3-6 months before it happened. I never wanted children, was indifferent to the birthing process in that lifetime, didn't really care about motherhood. It happens. We have all been saints, we have all been sinners. But in that lifetime I was an indifferent mother who just upped and left one day. Oh well.
You stayed. Still licking your wounds over that. You attempted to go about life, business as usual. (You still do that, do you- your resentments towards women can be traced to a number of lifetimes, like this one. Reserve all your hate for me if you want, but at least I never POSSESSED someone.)
You maintained a facade of normalcy "for the children". There may have been a boy as well, but for some reason I don't see him there- he is either playing/staying with another kid/friend's family or is not there at that moment for some reason. He is not with you as well. May have disappeared into the wilderness, but he is not there present in that lifetime at that minute.
You witness the entire thing. The natural disaster. She has unconsciously been trying to figure that out in the handful/few lifetimes she has existed.
That is why she places herself at the center of tragedy- to try and understand it. But she is still young, karmically speaking.
She weeps- but knows no inner knowing. She has no wisdom. Merely a witness to tragedy, both large and small.
She maintains that she has a humanitarian heart, but really it is to solve the mystery. Of time. Of her existence. Even though she doesn't believe any of this "shit", she would believe that she is trying to process it all.
And it begins with that lifetime. One of her first. Maybe first or second one in existence. A gnat, really, in terms of experience on the planet. Not like you. Not like me.
A girl. Not a woman. Not healthy, not healing. She unconsciously is involved with a kind of karmic repression because the trauma of dying so young still infuses her with a kind of "survival" spirit. But she does not know. She doesn't know anything. She is a traumatized rag doll in full-blown repetition compulsion. And that sucks.
No room for healing, just unconsciously living out her daydream over and over again... this lifetime a war baby and a Tsunami, yes? Oh well. She can't save anyone with that daydream.
You have also lived many, MANY lifetimes where you have felt duty-bound, an obligation to save women. Not just any. Many. Legions of women: from peril, from slavery, from doubt. Their savior. You NEED women. Like you need blood. Life. Women. Indifferent. Women.
I am holding on to these lifetimes and maybe will tell you about them. I am in at least one of them. Spain. No reason why you like that country so much, eh? Or me?
Your need for slavery, men, women to bow to your every whim: that is tied in with repetition compulsion. An act reserved for compulsive men. You might want to look into compulsion. Religion. Diablo Cody, the screenwriter, did an interview with Marc Maron on his podcast "WTF" and stated that Catholicism actually gave her a clinical diagnosis as a child of OCD. She said she was obsessed with being a Catholic as a child and that it literally gave her OCD and she was on medication for it. Eventually she healed herself, but it was rough. Look up the interview if you like, it's very good.
You might want to look into religion. Compulsion. Novenas. Genuflection. Rosaries. Magical Thinking. The obsessive compulsive actitivites of being told "All your sins are washed away if you do the religious equivalent of checking the doorknob 26- no wait, 27, no wait 29, no wait 113 times a day to see if it is locked". Not good. For man or religion.
And I know, I KNOW: You consider yourself someone who loathes the Catholic Church. Or no? But look into RELIGION Compulsion. Sin factories. "If you do this, then this" reward system that screws so many of your ilk up. It has, in a fashion.
You are a Sin Eater. One who eats sin. But you also have a Compulsion for Soul Eating. Thank "Your God" Aleister Crowley for that. The Bastard. I don't like that. Nor do I abide by that.
You try anything like that, you set the lair for anything resembling that, and it's repetition compulsion for you a million times zero. You Get nothing, Bro. Y'hear me? Nothing. Nada.
Heal the repetition compulsion. Heal it.
(Just speaking your early childhood development language, Brah! My way or the highway, etc.! Language you understand! And loathe!)