Monday, June 8, 2015

Self Acceptance

It's hard to accept yourself when the whole world tells you if you step out of line (the imaginary line), you are crazy. It's hard to find people, like her experience, like mine, in this field who are accepting of who you are, and when you are yourself they get "offended" because they are looking at a part of themselves they can't accept. 

It's hard not to have compartmentalized relationships with people as confidentiality is a big part of what we do, and that we "can't be seen in public" with many of the people who come to us for help.  

It can be lonely at times, and definitely hard to find people who aren't clients who understand/are not culturally brainwashed to think we are "all" liars, frauds, crazy, etc. etc.

 I understand the experience of befriending clients who maybe perhaps should have remained "students" instead. The reality is there are few non-psychic, non-aware people outside of our client base who seem to want to publicly be associated with people like us, much less willing to be friends in mutual reciprocity, respect, openness, and love. The really painful experiences are with the ones who ARE psychic, in hiding, and only want to know you surreptitiously and/or reject you flat out because it might destroy their "empire" and all they've built. 

Many, many people have done at least one of these things to me socially, even though I came to them in the spirit of love and acceptance. Many people are freaked out by me and I suspect many open and out healers, psychics, "outliers" etc. have this problem, even if they haven't had that problem before they "came out". 

It's ridiculous, it's 2015 and we are in the 21st century and much of this suspicion and public ignorance of people like us is a reality construct- an actual magician's trick by the Systems Builders, actually- who have carefully crafted a magick trick over the centuries to ostracize anyone who doesn't fit their plan. Of course secretly, those Systems Builders are all incredible psychics of many kinds, very powerful, but of course they don't let the general public in on the fact that one of the things they've hoarded for power and control purposes is that we really are all this psychic human, this intuitive, but the good news whether you accept it or will be dragged kicking and screaming the whole time and/or will be left behind is that we really are all waking up to this and the people who are still rejecting it, throwing the baby out with the bathwater on all psychic ability/paranormal activity and/or are making a part of their soul deadened/stale/an anachronism by hiding it because they can't accept publicly who they are are the ones most chomping at the bit to make fun of us.
 They can't reconcile that The Other is them. 
Like I said, it freaks them out. 

You have to stand strong if you are a healer, those psychic bullies rejecting are only rejecting a part of themselves they don't want to look at, like a gay man insanely mad at his out brothers for being out so he decides to call them "weak" and make fun of them/ostracise them. 

It's hard being who you are in a world that wants you to continually draw inside the lines. 
Increasingly that pressure to conform is weakening, however. 


  1. Hey there Anya, you don't know me. Long time reader first time commenter.

    I was just thinking about this very same thing this morning.
    Btw, I'm not a psychic or experiencer I'm just a 37 year old in queens. Nothing big.

    Anyhow I'm catching up on some reading and thought to myself how lonely it must get and frustrating to have so much knowledge and not be believed or trusted.
    Keep being strong, I know it's not much but people have your back. :)

    1. Thank you, that's very kind of you. It is very lonely. How do you open a dialogue when people only want to tell you you're crazy? It's the quickest, easiest, most dismissive way I know how to shut someone down. And then of course if you want to talk to a mainstream therapist about said alienation, you run the very real risk of being involuntarily institutionalized. There's really no one to talk to. I've tried. They just want to tell me I have emotional trauma and CPTSD from all the other stuff that's happened to me and leave it at that. Therapists can only tell you about the psychotherapeutic model, they can't do jack for you in terms of coming to terms with the paranormal/being highly aware/etc. That's not their category/area of expertise. And on the rare occasion you do find a psychic human who is a therapist, 9 times out of 10 they are empaths with other powers who are in the closet and who will gaslight you/block you from engaging in a two-way dialogue. I am experiencing that right now with a certain famous psych coach online who thinks I'm just traumatized and it's all in my mind. Except he also sends me quantum healing, is telepathic, etc. But try telling a person that. Especially someone who's built an empire on telling people none of that exists. It's very frustrating. I wish there was an accepted therapeutic model that didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater/wasn't so gas lighting.

    2. Thanks for the response. :)

      I don't want to get into a long story but In recent years I've been drawn into learning more this whole area of reality( for lack of a better word ?lol ) and if it wasn't for blogs like this and mike clelland I'd be pretty lost.

      You give a lot to the world and for that you should be thanked, not laughed at or ridiculed.
      Umm who has More courage? The lady speaking her truth? Or the jester tossing around insults? Yeah.

      And I know it's easy for me to say stay strong when you're only human....

      I feel like some people are too scared to give the truth some attention, so they react by fighting you tooth and nail or they run away.
      I was listening to a podcast last night and some jackass was so vicious and so demeaning to a man who wasn't even on the show. It's lame, and it's not needed.

      Okay, end rant! Sorry! I can see how isolating it can be, Anya.

    3. It's not a rant. I hate when people say you are "ranting" when you can form complete sentences. Such is the ADD generation we live in. If it's not 140 characters or less, it's a "rant". You are not ranting. That's another internalized form of dismissal trolls give people who are interested in actual, complex understanding of things because they don't want to go into it further. People who tell you you are "ranting" are at base shallow people. Don't ever say you are ranting again. It's disempowering. I'm glad if this blog has helped you at all. Thank you again and you are welcome.

    4. Thank you ! So friggin true! Done and done.

      Fucking A, you're aces :)

    5. Ha! You are welcome! We gotta stick together.

  2. Hi Anya. I enjoy talking with you because you are a smart lady who sees behind the bullshit. I enjoyed our talk today on Cinderella complex. Please feel free to message me over there if you ever want to just chat, or have a good discussion. I just enjoy good discussions and don't need anything. ;)
    It's always darkest before the dawn.

  3. Hi Anya,

    The timing of this blog entry is uncanny....just today i went thru a deep depression because of someone who made snarky comments (in a very lengthy comment thread) to me online and called me crazy, just for discussing consciousness/quantum physics. (Of course, i know deep down, this individual is just hanging on to what he been conditioned to believe, projecting on to me out of fear). l I find the subject fascinating, as well as so many other forms of thought, seeing beyond limitations we've been taught. It can be such a cruel world. Inevitably due ot my independent thoughts, thru my life i have been ridiculed and socially castrated (especially with my awakening for 15 year now). =(

    I found out a few months ago that I am an empath, plus i am also intuitive (a cancer, with lots of moon influences - which just intensifies feelings, depressions, sensing intentions of others etc). As grateful as i am for feeling things so intensely, its so tiring at times. It seems so dark right now....i keep trying to think in a positive, 'the world is changing', this 3d reality really sucks tho. I start wondering: will I make it? I want so bad to see mankind break free from these 3d constraints. How long before this paradigm shift takes place? This year, next year, 10 years??

    People online are either becoming more accepting, enlightened (which gives me hope), then there are those that project, belittle, name call, throw labels etc. Then I hibernate to heal. Your blog post really helped tonight, something i know i was meant to read.

    Something that you probably already know, but posting as reinforcement - keep searching. It's good that this therapist is helping you with energy work, but don't stop looking for others who can also help, sometimes just by listening or conversation can be so healing. I understand your caution though, especially nowadays because those that disbelieve are becoming so aggressive.

    Step by step Anya, know there are people who read your blog, sincerely appreciate what you write. You are always welcome to vent and talk about your troubles to us on here. Something i am seeing more and more in social media - tribes are forming, those that are resonating on a similar level of consciousness are coming your tribe Anya. ;-)

    I hope you don't mind me sharing a link with you, a video i watch from time to time when i need a lift (sharing with you, in the hopes in helps you). I feel my energy raise, especially when the music shifts (around 4:33 or so - which I have re-listened many times). I would love your opinion about this video. Sorry so long! lol

    <3 Hugs to you!

    1. I think this depression (I feel it too, hon, you're not alone) stems from the blog post I made recently about how people need to not freak out and how it's going to be okay and that June 15th to the 23rd holds something dear and near for all of us and it will be like the sun breaking through the clouds finally. I think humanity -yes, collectively now- is going through some kind of transition that I liken to being pushed through the eye of a needle. It's intense. It's painful. It's uncomfortable. But said pain, alienation, depression is in fact deep down teaching us all something. I am trying to get the others who are not on board at least on the same page and I feel like it's not working. They are retreating deeper into their shells. It all feels very hopeless now but it's at the same time encouraging because I don't feel them running away. Quite the contrary. They are listening. Even some cases who might be nursing much more pain and anguish and isolation than we are... There's nothing crueler than false hope. But I am hopeful for humanity's adulthood. It is childhood's end and we have to just find ways to cope and be grownups and find our families, our tribe. Thank you for your incredibly kind words.

  4. I'm sorry I can't link the tweet atm, but the official cia Twitter account made some "tongue in cheek" tweets similar to the tweet when the first joined Twitter , the "all those reports of things in the skies in the 50's, that was us" ---Hardy fucking ha! Fucking hilarious ****eyeroll****

    Everybody laugh at the nuts who reported ufos! This leads into making fun of the the real nuts who've cry alien abduction! Oh and then it goes onto the conspiracy crazies.

    Believing or even being interested in any of those topics is almost as bad being a drug addict in this country.

    Funny the dea had a Twitter account where they get to post funny pics about how addicts get there drugs***sigh

    The cia and dea would have killed at vaudeville

    Why are these agencies on Twitter posting this shit? Really it's distrubing.

    I'll post a link to it as soon as I can.

  5. This comments makes me thing of how narrow the bandwidth is the human mind operates on. But I think this is also about fear, fear of survival.

    It seems to be ingrained in people that when they step outside they are threatening themselves and their options. And how should you function in society with family and all if you know what you do, from the perspective of a "normal person".

    So the reasoing is in many cases "well, that's interesting, but now let's get real again." (??) The funny thing is that reality is right before you, even more real than you like. But how should you function in society with that...

    A self-replicating process. Life is a soap opera for them, with themselves being always on the lookout for who with whom and whether it's allright. And they meet to find out if they still in order.

    I for myself have come to the conclusion that the whole system will come to a crash within a generation at least, maybe starting next year? (see Gilliland). Somehow comforting, albeit an imprecise timeframe ;)

    Meanwhile one has the option to do what one can do... Minorities are impetus givers, always in history.

    1. Thank you, Mark. I always think it's so funny when people ask me what this has to do with the "real" world. People didn't think they needed cars when everyone was riding around on a horse and buggy. They thought this thing called the automobile was a fad. People don't need something until they need it. Saying "I need to operate in the REAL world" as pertains to psi ability ARE NOT GETTING IT. My abilities are incredibly pragmatic. I found a dead body with my "useless" abilities. Not to sound arrogant, but you are definitely an idiot if you think psychic ability doesn't have anything to do with the price of tea in China, but then again, most people don't value what they don't understand...