Thursday, December 27, 2018

How To Fight A Nazi

My time with the alt-right Nazis of the esoteric was a long time coming. I had been surrounded by people my whole life who identified as the left and quite frankly, I was pretty sheltered from a lot of things. Namely, the left's own inability to see how similar their neuroses and shortcomings were the SAME ONES that the alt-right's were. (I'm not talking about the actual political beliefs, I'm talking about the psychology and trauma responses to external stimuli/emotional states.)

This speech is something essential as it details one of the few amounts of research available on political ideologies and radicalization. I saw the same rigidity of thought on the far left (and academic left) as I saw with the alt-right: both sides were convinced of their "rightness". Both were incredibly insecure, both incredibly narcissistic and wounded and projecting a lot of their paranoid fantasies onto the world. Both included the other side as the "Great Demon" (of course the left doesn't believe in literal demons, but I digress), both demonstrated enormous amounts of immaturity and lack of personal responsibility for their words, thoughts, feelings and actions.

But both! Miraculously! Both sides were convinced they were "right" with their execution of ideas. This situation didn't happen overnight. Getting a Day-Glo colored president in the White (ahem) House didn't happen without some kind of systematic breakdown of empathy that has been fomenting in the American public for centuries and was encouraged even as we fought King George's armies.

The founding fathers were slave owners and YET were also brilliant orators, thinkers, desirous of what is, pardon the term, "right". But when they drafted the Constitution, "All Men Are Created Equal", it was only supposed to refer to white, straight male land owners. And people say we have cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is part of our culture.  It was collectively created by both sides agreeing, whether implicitly or explicitly, that the system, for whatever its faults, was the one we all live in. I mean, some humans are considered less than (according to this idea that everyone lived under and some still do to this day) because of superficial things they have no control over, but regardless, this situation is what has caused systemic/endemic systems of thinking/being while it systematically causes societal breakdown.

But this video actually gave me hope. Because it shows that people aren't broken so much as they are a product of a system that tells them one thing and does another. It is only when dignity and self-determination is restored in a human being that they can call *themselves* human beings again.

And cults (I would consider the white power movement to be a form of a very insidious cult-like mindset if it is not flat-out one) very handily are laying in wait to catch your son or daughter if you haven't done a very good job of "handling" them in the first place, parents. They are laying in wait to inject a false identity, one that gives them purpose and meaning where you have failed in that regard. Long story short, if you have the audacity to have a kid, at least spend time with them and be honest as you can without being too graphic when they ask a question. Don't make asking questions verboten, and don't be an authoritarian dickhead who is absent or oscillates between negative attention and no attention at all.

This seems obvious to even the most stupid third grader, but apparently some people who choose to breed have not gotten the message yet that it's not enough to simply unload your DNA into a receptacle or receive said DNA and then walk away. That's not parenting. Neither is being in the room but constantly ignoring your child. That's not parenting either. But that IS the quickest way, compounded by years of that style of neglect, I mean "parenting", to make the kid try to find another family. One that tells them they are all they need. That's the quickest way to get your kid dead,  too, whether spiritually, emotionally or literally.

This video does a very good job of explaining the role of "substitute" families in these subcultures and how easy it is to help form ready-made identities pulled from very poisonous soil. 

I wish everyone wellness. Because what's the alternative? And if you are part of the cult of the alt-right and reading this (and I know a lot of you do), please consider writing to Mr. Picciolini for assistance.

He does a good job of listening and doesn't judge you for your experiences but also can help you find resources if you are going through a particular dark night of the soul. 

If you know in your heart of hearts that blaming an entire race or religion or ethnicity of people for all the world's problems is inherently bad, then consider the alt. The alt-alt of the situation is the alt that will save the alt.

Coming into ourselves, healing the rift of identity can be sorted. Can be fused. Can be healed.


Sunday, December 16, 2018

Olly Olly Oxen Free

So someone's been playing this in my ear/sending this to me for several days now...

My Christmas wish for all of "you":

"Peace On Earth. Goodwill Toward Men"

Without a rocket launcher, preferably. 


Wednesday, December 5, 2018

“To Be Seen... As A Plagiarist”

UPDATE: 4/11/19:  It took me a while to build up the courage to say this because Richie is very important to me personally but nonetheless it has to be said because I have self-respect as well:

Even though Sam Vaknin and Richard Grannon blatantly plagiarize and steal from me routinely, and refuse to attribute my work at all to anything they say or do, this is pretty good.  Both men have been visiting my blog routinely, however, and in the case of Richie, for years,  in the case of Sam for at least since before this lecture was recorded. 

This idea or kernel for the basis of the lecture , a lecture both men financially profited off of, was stolen from this article I wrote: 

 By Sam’s own admission he is a plagiarist. He lies even as he writes about no longer being a plagiarist while he plagiarizes to this day:

The David Bowie post was written in the midst of a gaslighting campaign that Richie Grannon had created to psychologically abuse me which makes no sense because Richie also is one of the people I almost single-handedly credit as one of the healers of my CPTSD (besides myself and Pete Walker) which makes it even more insidious— which is what he wanted. 

He claims he’s working on 100% healing his codependence right now, and I wish him wellness on that. However, knowing Richie, I wonder how much of that is him actually saying that and how much of that is just words that he says that he doesn’t actually mean. It could be that he dissociates when he says it, I don’t know.  He also claims that he has psychopathic and narcissistic tendencies and was raised by a psychopath.  He grew up in horrible conditions of violence and abuse of all kinds. 
  I hope he’s serious about that statement about healing his codependence and he follows through completely.   But both men have exhibited pathological tendencies 
and Richie, if you’re reading this?
  Hanging out with Sam is not good for your mental health, wellness, or recovery.  I am concerned, and even though you have actively attempted to and have abused me personally many times as well, I still care about you.  And no it’s not because of the CPTSD or some kind of “trauma bond”. At least not a trauma bond in the linear, classical sense. You know why. 

Just some BS to cut through the gaslighting: A video where I actually cited my sources and a video he made three weeks later with a suspiciously familiar title that mocks me/flaunts the identity stealing/gaslighting campaign Richard enacted against me:

 Anyway, Sam is a clinical psychopath and malignant narcissist and thinking that you can hang out with him with “black belt psychological skills” on a regular basis in some weird knife fight logic that presumes you can overcome the conditions of your childhood metaphorically by hanging out with a snake and not ever getting bitten by him is unsafe.  If you want to build immunity by taking the poison slowly, drop-by-drop, you’re still risking hurting yourself. There’s no guarantee that you will emerge unscarred by his presence.  His ever-growing, ever constant presence if memory serves correct. If you ever want the answer to be “Yes” to the question “Do you love yourself? “, then hanging out with Sam on a near-weekly basis is probably not the way to do it. 

Sam frequently goes off the deep end and makes leaps of logic that are ridiculous, *not* intelligent,  *not* accurate,  and I completely understand why academia has such a hard time taking him seriously/ they consider him dangerous and irresponsible/a wild card. 

Frequently he is brilliant and makes thoughtful observations and contributions : but he is a live wire, unbalanced, and a mixed bag. He’s also a blatant misogynist.  I’ve caught him just off-handedly playing fast and loose and saying blatantly wrong data about subjects and frequently making corollaries about causation that are incorrect.  

 Red flags about character are red flags about character. They’re not subjective. They are observable. And if you choose to look the other way or don’t consider it meaningful or notable? Then that’s a red flag about character that is unsafe too.  Again, maybe it’s dissociation, maybe it’s codependence. Either way, I wish you wellness always, Richie. 


Friday, November 30, 2018

Danse Macabre

The search for meaning in a cult is nothing more than the death instinct / one's own self-loathing writ large. Playing with knives however, is a game for bold, self-destructive children with no hopes. Please try to be better than that.  We have to uplift the human race, not drag it down in the dredges only to be told it was a jewel recovered from the mud. That's a setup. 

The notion of the cult ( the etymology of the word cult means "worship"... um... sounds like a religion to me...)
 is one of the last vestiges of human slavery. 

Friday, October 19, 2018

Positively Medieval

We have all the tools at our disposal and yet we still do this shit. 

Humans. (Sigh.) Whatryewgonnado?

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Thursday, September 13, 2018

America: Still Racist

 I know, I know, 4Chan nerds who hang out in insult forums and want to rape and murder me, I know I’m not fitting your stereotype and I never have. I know, I know, UFO conspiracy theorists who practice “Odinism” 🙄 and think of the Aryan race as a bunch of Pleiadians who are going to come and save us all whom I unfortunately was accidentally associated with several years ago,  1/2 of whom are rotting in jail and are still considered “heroes” and “truthers” who get letters from fan girl/fanboy flotsam and jetsam  with borderline personality disorder who want to have their babies. 

I know, I know, alt- right gym bro pretty boys who don’t understand racism and are completely baffled by it, doesn’t it just burn your gonads to get told the truth by the Other? 

 Tired of all your shit. No I’m not responsible for your flaccid masculinity.  I’m not responsible for your emotions. I’m not your fucking mommy. I’m not to be used as a projection of your own toxicity.  
I’m not responsible for upholding your cause.

  Time to get off the anus end of the Internet and learn something that isn’t fake news for once/ maybe even contribute something decent to the world instead of promoting self-pity and blamelessness. 

 By the way, this information is totally depressing. You’ve been warned.  But maybe it will smack some sense into your head about the reality of the situation instead of your space fantasy about how Pleiadians come from better stock then the rest of us!  Barbara Marciniak , are *you* listening?  

 Much of the New Age movement is horrifically racist and unchecked and gets the origins for the majority of its information from hate tracts and racist propaganda from the 19th century. It is straight up mythology that can be used to serve as a spiritual basis for justifying racism.

 In a vulnerable spot when I was having all kinds of horrific, unexplainable, bizarre stuff happening to me I rationalized and briefly fell for their brand of historical revisionism under the guise that I was being “fair” and trying to listen to a  “forbidden” history that had been kept from me – – and the world .  And if I only knew the real truth then everything would be sorted out! 

Of course what they don’t tell you is they never have a solution for anything either. 

The world might be a mess, but they don’t seem to be solutions focused other than on hating other groups of people because they’re all- *all*- all the time without exception,   According to these people I spoke with, part of some mysterious  “cabal “. 

My upside-down rationale at the time as my life was falling apart by some hidden factors/people messing with me, and if I had been having all these crazy life changing paradigm altering experiences, maybe everything was upside down! Maybe black was white (no pun intended) and up was down! I had been so scrambled by all of this very real covert harassing and interdicting and straight up torture and I was so frazzled that I was just looking for an answer for something that made sense that had happened to me.  

 I’m not saying there aren’t conspiracies and people doing bad things behind the scenes and don’t want anyone else to know about it. I am a product of those groups of people! They are Satanic for the most part.  And no I don’t mean the Church of Satan Anton LaVey’s groovy branch of satanic belief systems. I’m talking about hard-core Satanists.  People Satanists I’ve known are terrified of. 
 They’re not charming. They’re not funny. They’re not just glorified versions of hedonists. 

They are evil, weird people in weird positions of power who make LaVey look like a Sesame Street character (which is basically what he was-  he used to be a circus organist,  people. He was into performing.  He was a *showman*. He was not the man behind the curtain. He was just a really grandiose, flippant guy who liked a lot of attention and was into some really extreme interior decoration. He’s a lot more harmless than the people I’m talking about. ) 

 But what this branch of evil people  also want to do is promote this UFO space brother paradigm precisely because it is a racist , sexist agenda that divides and conquers and muddies the water. 
The “useful idiots” spouting this UFO ideology are playing right into the hands of the people they say they are against! That’s what I learned. They love these alt- right revisionist nightmares ! 

So anyway, in a tough position,  since none of the atheists in positions of power who could’ve helped me (but actively didn’t), including members of the media, my own family/so-called friends, etc., weren’t listening to me and my family thought I was insane and anyone who I had known prior to all of this had basically abandoned me and/or just didn’t know what to say or do, I did the (for me) unthinkable and I actually listened to these fringe dwellers. And it was terrifying what I heard. Absolutely nauseating. A lot of delusional minds  in that group. A lot of mental illness. These people have tricked themselves into perfect justifications for why they say what they say. It’s really sad. But don’t buy into that: they really were just thinly veiled lies used to promote their racist (and sexist) agenda.  A lot of these UFO groups use the “Space Brother” fantasy as a gateway to white nationalist ideology. 

You’re welcome! 

Sunday, August 19, 2018

Degenerate Reviews Post-JordanPetersonism

 I think we all just need to shut up and dance. 

This is hilarious. And good. One more thing I wish to add: why are most white, straight, western men I’ve ever met in my entire life without exception only capable of understanding things as *metaphors*? I don’t know why this is. Jordan Peterson for instance. He claims that the Bible is nothing but a series of “metaphors”. Correct me if I’m wrong. But I would beg to differ. 

My personal, direct experiences with the Bible and the events of the Bible might steer you another way if you knew what I knew. 

(Of course for most people, if they experienced what I have, they might think they were having a bad trip from accidentally drinking some old blotter acid that someone threw in a punch bowl at a party and now it’s been six days and you’re still seeing things crawling out of the walls and subsequently hiding under the bed thinking that if you use a melon baller to scoop your eyes out, maybe the endless procession of Blue Meanies sticking their schnozzes in your face will go away, but maybe that’s just a projection.)

  And bear in mind,  what I “know” could fill a thimble. 

  But I’m willing to suspect with my own entirely subjective, fully patented Supernatural Experiences (tm) 🙄,  that maybe, just maybe, Peterson might be wrong about that. I also think he’s great – – until he is terrifying. He kind of follows perfectly reasonable and agreeable arguments and then he jumps off the deep end pretty rapidly with some leaps of logic that don’t quite make any sense / seem almost purposely vague and could even be considered dangerous. ( Not the stand up straight and clean your room part, that’s of course totally agreeable.  You’re probably not standing up straight enough. Your posture could use some work. Just saying.)

He asks people to have children even if they don’t want them because you’re not a real man or woman unless you have one which seems completely asinine and downright abusive-  to the child and the parent alike,  which seems like one of the most irresponsible things a person could do , but maybe that’s just me. 

 And this guy is considered a moderate! Anyway...  I don’t pretend to be nearly as well read as this person making the video and I could never go toe to toe with them in a debate,  I just think this is a really fun time happy funny video and people need to chill out because they’re taking this way too seriously and it’s just causing more polarization. 

I also agree that Derrida-  what is the point of Derrida? Or Lacan, for that matter? They are completely indecipherable,  and no they don’t translate well. Something about female and male pronouns which works fine in a language like  French but completely falls apart with the English language because in English we don’t use nearly anything coming close to the sheer volume of feminine and masculine assignments to inanimate objects that Romance languages like French do?
 So... your point being? 

The point of life being?  

The older I get , the less I can take people or ideas seriously. 

 Especially someone like Peterson, who tells you that life is suffering and you will never get over that 
fact that life is suffering, but even if you don’t want them you should have children.

 So you can give them suffering. 

Let the fun begin! 

Monday, July 2, 2018

XRay Spex - Oh Bondage! Up Yours!

Well looky here, another person I totally identify with who, like me, like Philip K. Dick, like others have claimed to have seen a pink (lit?) UFO (in other timelines I have never heard of this, this is news to me, and I am a big XRay Spex fan) who was hospitalized and misdiagnosed as schizophrenic, no wait, was it manic depressive for talking about it/asserting herself:

Why can't I ever get visits from Poly Styrene, who was a genius, she wasn't crazy, she didn't have a mood disorder, she was GREAT, instead of astral visits from a bunch of pompous atheists who don't remember going to high school with me, teaching me how to play guitar, meeting me sixteen or seventeen times (or producing a music show for them), or visits from YOUR EX. 

Of course, But I wouldn't want to disturb Poly's jam with the cosmos, she's been in a sitar-spiral of oneness with the infinite for six or seven years now. (Poly, who became a devout Hare Krishna post-band days sadly died of breast cancer a while ago). But she is DEFINITELY making the most of the after life. It's pretty beautiful and genius, just like she is. 

The immature ones are all asking me "why I hate them". Y'know. In astral. You flatter yourselves. "Hate" would imply effort. Suddenly they are all coming to call, and behaving like it's a royal visit or something. It's silly. You knew me before, ladies and germs, and you weren't too kindly or attentive then. Even in this lifetime. So WHYYYYYYYY are you bothering now? 

I doubt these people even know me anymore or remember me consciously. But lately, it's all I get are astral atheist know-it-all people in a deep need for bizarre forgiveness, or understanding, or, or--- I don't know what. It's not like these people were mature to begin with or had the lifetimes of reflection and remorse that it takes to develop the personal responsibility and right of wisdom, AND YET, they want to grok at the same level I'm at. 

The level that took YEARS of discipline, the loneliness and dedication of a literal monk, and focus (and let's face it, a good dose of covert manipulation and mind control technology that may or may not be with the cooperation of various agencies and beings from the stars) and they have the nerve to want to suddenly take a meeting with the Queen. 

Fuck all y'all.
"Why are you mad at me?"

Are you kidding? 

You don't have a right to my home, much less an answer! 

You plebes! 

You place your energy, focus, attention on something else, you miss out. 

Not my circus, not my monkeys, Ese. 

You devalue spirit, you humiliate people who make non-materialist claims that are real and shun them for it/mock them, this is what you get. Oh, and the Ex's bloodline, thanks to shutting down all emotional valves long ago, eventually becomes that of a grey alien. So calling her a "Loric" was probably very accurate. But Beware the Loric, my friend. Beware the Jub Jub and the Bandersnatch, because they're all creations. 

And the real human is an arrogant twat who actually thinks she has a RIGHT to a seat at my table. 

This isn't a democracy, friend. 

Get your feet off my rug.  

Gene Editing: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

Jennifer Doudna is evil, and her associations are evil, and her nightmare about a pig Hitler is justified. The people, yes I’ve already said that many times before over the years, the *people* who live in underground facilities are now coming above ground. 

Where do you think they were created? 

In a lab? 
You’d be right. There are plenty of people who have already been born to genetic editing and they are not human as you or I would classify it. 

And a white supremacist, neonatal genesplicing firm that lives underground did it.

And Jennifer is attached to these types. The above-ground versions of these people.  And in time, the above-ground people are going to have conversations with the below-ground people.
 And oh what will happen when that happens. 

Nightmare proportions indeed. 

Monday, June 25, 2018


Antinatalism must be taken seriously and considered as a legitimate way of life for anyone considering a serious esoteric or philosophical journey. The concept that life is suffering is an adult, mature concept. There were gnostics who were avowedly antinatalist for this reason. The precept of antinatalism is: if you decide to not have a child, and no child comes forth, you will not cause any suffering for that nonexistent person. Therefore it is a good thing. If you are here already, then okay, make the most of it. But if you decide to reproduce and have children who are biological creations of yours (the exception being adoption for the already born), the philosophy continues, then you are WILLINGLY and KNOWINGLY causing SUFFERING. Suffering is inevitable in life. It is not pie-in-the-sky to say this. Namely/Chiefly knowing that there is a 100% chance that people who are born, die. And sometimes they die horrifically and in great pain.

So this is the language of the Gnostics: Pain is unavoidable in life.  While you are here, do not cause pain and suffering whenever possible. Bringing a life into this world is a 100% guarantee that at some point, life will in fact bring that child pain and suffering. Being a parent guarantees that you have brought the guaranteed death to someone- ironically, the person you claim you "love". 

Sounds like the anti-natalist philosophy to me.

 What is pie-in-the-sky, out of touch with reality, immature, delusional and juvenile? The concept that "having a child makes you a more compassionate, empathic, empathetic person". 

 It is no guarantee whatsoever that "having a child makes people a better person".  People tell themselves that... I don't really see the evidence for it. In fact, I've seen plenty to the contrary. Maybe you were just a lousy, selfish, out of touch person to begin with if you really need a child to make you "better"? 

Just as an aside, she references Ivanka Trump doing something insensitive with a photo of her holding her child that apparently rubbed some people the wrong way, but the one that sticks out for me more specifically and more egregiously is the"I Don't Really Care, Do U" jacket cynical, selective "mother" Melania Trump was wearing to an ***internment camp for migrant children*** as another example of this callousness.


Saturday, June 2, 2018

Eric B. & Rakim - Follow The Leader

He lives within 5 or 10 miles of this. Whether it's NESW or below, I don't know. But there's an underground something or other there located under the flower shop (and nearby the ever-so convenient country club/golf course, they lovvvvveeeeee those golf courses, don't they?) that needs to be, ah, "excavated". Or drained. Like a swamp. 

Like I said,                                                 JOIN, OR DIE:

Hey DOUG, what's up, DOUG, you DOUG your grave yet, DOUG???

Here's what's going on:

- raised in an underground facility

- Chief torturer

- 35 yrs. young (but not for much longer!)

- Astrological sign is Gemini

- Pahrump, NV

- Works for DOE, NSA, CIA simultaneously

- DOES NOT know difference between right and wrong

- Chief of biological "radionics" (psionics squad).

- They're comin' for ya, Doug!

Sunday, May 6, 2018

It's Outing Season~

Here's a hint of things to come: If you slander me, my profession, my GIFTS, what I do, if you participate in the lie, if you tell people FOR A LIVING that what I do is "evil", "monstrous", "unnatural", "to be monitored"-  if you tell the world it doesn't exist, if you tell the world it's "of the Devil" or "not to be trusted, only trust in Big Daddy Authoritarian Fascist Regimes", IF YOU TREAT ME LIKE A RESOURCE TO BE EXPLOITED, IF YOU CON AND ABUSE ME, BEVERLY,  if you accept money from the Black Mariahs, if you ARE a Black Mariah, YOU WILL BE OUTED AND PUNISHED from now on. There are no safe havens anymore. You're busted. You're all about to be busted. And LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY. If it means your marriage, that third house by the sea, WHATEVER: your lives are about to get very complicated and will end messily. 

I told you about Hurricane Harvey and look what happened. I told you about the plane crash, the dirt, the desert: looky what happened to you! Abusers of Humanity: you don't get a second chance, a third, a fourth. You're fucked. And that's not a very pretty place to be, is it, Beverly? 

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Astrology for the Soul March 28, 2018

To balance my obsessive compulsive
Need to get it all done,
I practice ancient grounding techniques,
Remembering all is One.


Thursday, March 15, 2018

Counterdependent Narcissistic Misogynistic Men

My stepfather sat me and my brother down once when I was 10 and told us that if we didn't follow "the rules" of the house (counter dependent men love THE RULES, arbitrary and conforming absolutely to their needs and no one else's) then we would be, and I quote "out of the house". 

You can imagine what precedent this sent to a 10-year old's panicked mind. 

That is abuse, by the way. 

Of course he claims to not remember it nor did my mother  remember this event, ever. 
Of course not, she left the room on purpose when he told us to sit down. Because she was a codependent enabler with narcissistic traits herself. 

Threatening your children is never a good idea. Just FYI. He was paranoid, suspicious, told me many times throughout my life that he didn't believe me, about anything, and LOVED to say "well, what did you expect?" with the facial expression of contempt on his face that had about as much empathy of a psychopath when I would invariably make a mistake. 

Whatta guy. And he loved to blame everything on my narcissistic sperm donor dad. Men who cannot take responsibility for anything ARE ABUSERS. 

Ladies, men: avoid them like the plague if you can.
 It WILL screw your life up. 

Blessings, A- 

Counter-Dependency: Superman Part One - Special Guest Self Differentiat...

Physician, heal thyself. I am not lonely, I am alone. I feel lonely when I am in a crowded room full of unwoke folks 99 times out of a 100 times more than I do just hanging around the house by myself being perfectly content and happy learning things and getting shit done. 

I get re-traumatized, emotionally distressed, and unhappy when I am around unwoke people who want to talk about what was on tv last night and who are myopic, who really, actually get mad about superficial things that have no reality like who won or lost Dancing With The Stars.

I can't hang out with people who *actually* get more emotionally invested in voting for someone on a reality tv show or dance competition, but who don't personally take an interest in actually voting in elections themselves. (Yeah, yeah, the system is broken, blah, blah, blah, the illusion of choice, I get it: but this is a metaphor and you and I both know those types of people are lap dogs for insipid superficial conformity, ignore the fact that voting doesn't work if you can't find constituents who care about meaningful things and carry on with my point.)  

I get angry and sad and depressed when I am around traumatized people who don't even know they are traumatized, and further more, if they stopped to think about it would probably shoot themselves in the head rather than deal with it and do something productive about it because they are so cut off from their emotions that they actually think this superficial drivel that they are using as a neurotic replacement for accessing their emotions and real pain is good for them.

These are people who have no meaningful, truly important priorities. They are superficial by way of fear and only and always are superficial precisely because of fear.

For me personally, those types of people are exhausting to be around. You have to babysit them intellectually, hold their hand. There's certain topics we won't discuss! Oh no, we can't! Bad things will happen! I'm scared of that topic!
And that becomes like walking on eggshells. And I can't do that anymore.

Nurse-maiding most people's egos is a full-time job if you aren't in control of yourself and establish firm boundaries about who is and who is not ready to be let in. Most people are like this. Most people are molly-coddled babies who don't understand proportion, reason. Intellect. Intellect is scary for most people like this. What they can't personally control.

 I am all for pleasantries and social niceties, it has its place. Superficial has its place. It's fun to go to an amusement park. It's not fun, however, to live on a diet of cotton candy and superficial, sugar-filled foods that have no nutrients. After a while, you get a headache and your stomach starts to hurt. 

And so you decide that your own company is better than superficial people who have decided that eating cotton candy 24/7 is good for them.

I told you, I'm not going to suffer fools anymore. I am not tolerant of any bullshit. That does NOT MEAN I am counter dependent.  Especially if the people who come into my life are emotionally controlling codependents, counter dependents who have a hard-on for making fun of me for my "weakness" and "fragility" or any other die-hard with a thing for projection and lack of emotionally and mentally cleaning themselves up and their own backyards.

 I have better things to do with my time than serve as a bouncing board for other people's insecurities and unresolved mommy and daddy issues. I don't have time for childishness. While I have sympathy for it, as time goes on (and we all think we have time), I have less and less to give to that.
To unresolved anything. I have compassion for it, I wish them wellness, but it's time to move on when they aggressively and anxiously attach their projections onto an unsuspecting person who has done no harm to them nor wishes them ill will. 

 You better learn the difference between pleasantries and mental prisons.

I grew up in a counter dependent home. My stepfather is basically this video's description.  He would walk in the room and I would see a grey raincloud over his head. He sucked all the lifeblood, all the positive, encouraging energy out of everything and everyone.  To say he was depressing to be around is an understatement. And then of course there was always the threat of violence if things didn't go his way.

The household that was once, while not perfect, was much happier for me and my brother before he came along. I don't remember any happiness after that date. I just remember suddenly there was this strange man who's "love style" was to be as emotionally controlling and abusive as possible. Oh, and whenever possible, deride and make fun of anything that reeked of sensitivity or insight that didn't have an academic association with it.

He contributed directly to making me feel like a piece of shit with his words and actions for decades. He contributed directly to my suicidal ideation, my never feeling like I was good enough, my feelings that I was a complete failure if I didn't achieve academic glory and a career that mirrored his exactly. I could never tell what he felt, he had two emotions: "Don't bother me, I'm working (slams literal or metaphorical door)" and explosive rage. He didn't teach me anything other than:
"You better make it LOOK good". Sound familiar to your circumstances?

 Also sound familiar why you might be having sex with people who are strangers whom you really aren't into and you have barely an idea of why you're doing it? Why you might be eating your feelings when you feel out of control? Why you feel out of control? Excessive focus on physical perfection/attempts to absolutely control every aspect of the physical body by exercising to the point of hurting yourself? An over-reliance on making sure you look "good" at all times? Maybe drinking too much? Helpless to stop repetitions of compulsive behavior when feelings get too close to you, we can't let them in?

 Hello, is this thing on? 

Friday, March 9, 2018

I will continue to destroy you~

I will continue to destroy you, black brothers
You, who hold so dear symbols, are being destroyed from within. 

I will continue to destroy you

Black brotherhood

Your formulation is no more


Adonai amen, all is one,

No more is this symbol of fascism your hold

No one knows you and 'know' one will.

There will be no respite

In a black vacuum or others

Your dark magic prevails 

No more

You are Destroyed

From within and without

A black cancer inhales you

You will be/are annihilated

The forces that brought Hollywood to its knees are now sorted.

You will now prevail

Your order is no more

Alas! Begone.

Your world is dying, 

Our world is taking hold.

The last vestiges of your breed are no more.

Saylong! Old soldier. Your breeding ground is a trap.

Anyone who comes near this dear sister is forever doomed.

Amen, Adonai, Amen

All Is One, All Is God



Saturday, February 24, 2018

I met an ancient Irish crone


PS- This is what happens when awakened souls are met with the Average Joe. I think the level of interruption here was because this camera guy is so into himself that he just can't help it. When confronted with this kind of thing, most people cannot handle the literature, hence the REASON most crones divert and hide. Most people are juvenile. As well for this man as a youth: 
He drank the potion, ergo he DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN HEAVEN. 

This is probably the same allegory for the Fall from Eden as well. Deep down, you reject this life, because you are not ready for it yet. 

This kind of magic exists, those involved with this sort of thing have it kept from the rest on purpose. Most people are children, as this thoughtless interviewer is. Like Miles Johnston was with me. Yes, I just compared myself to this magician. It happens. People lose their shit when confronted with the divine alchemical subtext. Their subconscious starts knee-slapping and guffawing like it's a taping of the Grand Ole Opry and suddenly it's pearls before swine. 

Subtle or direct interference happens through unwitting vessels who do not have the anecdote for their crime, and thus cover up their embarrassment with more ego. 

Read the notes in this video: "If it weren't for MEEEEEEEEE, you'd have never have had this interview, blah, blah, blah"- this is why humanity can't drink the potion. You have too many ego issues at stake and run risk to ruin it. It must be protected. 

And another thing: Telling a story is not magic. It is a retelling of it. Real magick must be tested. It is not a ritual. It is a being. A knowing. Trust. Verify.

Thursday, February 22, 2018


"Probably" 7".  You have to think about a "maybe-kinda" number of ritual child murders you've witnessed? Nothing this bitch says is real. Unless it's plagiarized. Like every narcopath I've ever met/who's ever blatantly plagiarized and stolen from me. You're not that different. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Waterloo. 

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Rufus Wainwright - Going To A Town

Join, or die ~~~~

This is a notice for the Black Mariahs:




Thursday, January 25, 2018

Spiritual Bypassing, Borderline Codependent Wounded Healers, The Illuminati, and You

Click on the video to see additional links, education, self-help and resources for Borderline delusions, Borderline Personality disorder, healing codependence and attachment issues, (both are 100% curable), etc. Sorry not sorry I swear so much. I am passionate about this.
Heal yourself. You can do it.

Friday, January 12, 2018

I'm not a fan, Elon.

People from your company SpaceX have visited this site- many times over the years. 
I have the receipts. I just have to dig up the screenshots.

You have so many fanboys now, but I am not, nor will I ever be one. You're soulless.

By the way, who did you broker a deal with in tech commercialization on this? Who were the beta test subjects? Your black sedan friends have all kinds of sources. Just sayin'... 

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Ok, I have clearance to talk about this.

Dunno if this is fake, a trick, what: but....

There was a melee on the moon yesterday. Deaths happened.

A battle between special forces (Yes, US) and Alpha Centaurans - or was it Zeta Reticulans? The two names keep getting jumbled up.

This could all be BS or even code, I dunno. Or... and this is the thing people can't wrap their heads around...

--it could be real. 

The US "Special Marshal to Earth" showed up?????

This is crazy information, please bear with me. I am recording what I am receiving as information, no more no less.  I have experienced a lot of interference and harassment in my life, and this could just be yet another group of individuals messing with me, testing out the latest hardware on a human test subject. #Disclaimer #ForEntertainmentPurposesOnly

But even if it is, I want to record this to show you how they try to create and manufacture scenarios for psychological manipulation, if that is what it is (probably for defense initiatives/mind control budgets for intel if THAT is what it is.) There are some things I am deliberately leaving out of this account that is not secure information about yesterday however that leads me to think this may not be just a psyop/testing the newest software. Just FYI. 

They extracted bodies and prisoners from Earth being held there against their will/abducted from US Special Forces and Black Projects to work as slave labor over there. The Zetas are not friendly, I have always had pleasant interactions with Alphas, BUT, AGAIN, this could have changed and/or my interactions could have been with Alphas who were not party line/not Alphas who hated humans. That was also two timelines ago. 

I don't know who these people/humanoids are, but they are evil and they are mining the moon for resources and they use humans (who they hate) for special projects so they don't have to risk their life/lives. 

It is prison conditions- worse than. The oxygen levels are low in the cabins on purpose to keep people monitored and weak and then they add oxygen to their "tents" when they need them for gigs. Feed them, get them rested up, then throw them into the gig. The human mines, brings them back ??? I don't know what, and then passes it on to an alien who inspects it, gives it back to them, tells them to polish it with industrial materials (again, I don't know what) and extracts it to "Moon Base" they are telling me. 

The whole mining operation took months, 20 people were abducted, the Marines were involved with the extraction and rescue effort. They succeeded. They pissed off a lot of Marines, so! 
A lot of deaths happened. 


The alien forces presence is significantly weakened and YES, US troops in those situations DO HAVE matching or equivalent firepower/technology to the aliens. Don't ask me how that happens. But you do also have quite a few funds missing from the military budgets of earth, don't you?

Sent the aliens with their tails between their legs to either a grave, morgue, or outer space. Their numbers were greatly reduced/dismantled and the operation was a success.

This sets the stage for colonization of the Moon. 
May we never engage like this in any other skirmish ever again.

God bless whomever did this, whatever this was. I hope it was good for humanity and all parties involved- if it was even real...

This post may be leverage, I had A LOT of interference last night after my last post. Ahem. Not sayin', just sayin'... The NSA is rapidly losing friends. Maybe THEY are the alien and this is all a metaphor! But... I doubt it.



Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Why We Fight~

I just got word that the aliens won!

Just kidding. '-) 

Thank you, I guess? If this isn't more Project mess? I heard that's falling apart, but that could be more false intel as well. I don't think *I'm* false intel, though...

and that's what scares people...

Hi, James Woolsey! How's your NSA git you hired to spy on me?

Oh yes, it goes there.